tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17773413.post114598064022306012..comments2023-10-11T06:53:04.152-07:00Comments on Parenting A Complex Special Needs Child: Comparing Notes - - Which Child is HarderPeggy Lou Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13218318064439656924noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17773413.post-1146453614950268052006-04-30T20:20:00.000-07:002006-04-30T20:20:00.000-07:00I agree with both of you. While my husband and ch...I agree with both of you. While my husband and child's disabilities are not visable, it doesn't mean that they are any less a disability. It's frustrating. People make all sorts of assumptions which are really unfair.Scatteredmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07605640876979580340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17773413.post-1146082784116577202006-04-26T13:19:00.000-07:002006-04-26T13:19:00.000-07:00Well said Peggy, well said indeed. I hate it when ...Well said Peggy, well said indeed. I hate it when people say,"well, if you think you have it bad, there's always someone worse off than you are." That is completely invalidating and I just don't appreciate it. Each of us have our own hardships and instead of making comparisons we should support one another, I totally agree with that. When we don't recognize another's challenges then we have lost all of our compassion and it is truly sad. Thank you Peggy for sharing this post with us all because it is a good reminder to be more empathetic with each other.Lorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16566410028761708698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17773413.post-1145991950269470512006-04-25T12:05:00.000-07:002006-04-25T12:05:00.000-07:00Liz here from I Speak of Dreams. The "who has it ...Liz here from <A HREF="http://lizditz.typepad.com" REL="nofollow">I Speak of Dreams</A>. The "who has it worst" can be a reverse form of competitive parenting (see Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, review <A HREF="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2006/03/23/DI2006032300970.html<br/>" REL="nofollow">here</A>).<BR/><BR/>And it is a form of one-upmanship. Unpacked, it is the speaker saying, "you don't have the right to suffer, because my suffering is so much worse". <BR/><BR/>Once you know the real message -- invalidation, don't feel what you are feeling -- it's easier to manage your own response.<BR/><BR/>Personally, I feel hurt and angry when I get invalidation -- but once I know what is going on, I'm able to generate compassion for the speaker. She lives in a zero-sum world. Sympathy or understanding for me takes away, in her mind, sympathy or understanding for her. <BR/><BR/>But really it isn't a zero-sum world. We can offer comfort and support to each other.<BR/><BR/>And in other news, how's the low-fat cooking going? I have a new recipe for a sort of fat-free vegetable custard that's pretty good. I seem to remember that your boy has swallowing trouble sometimes. Does he like carrots? One version is carroty.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com